“Taking care of yourself doesn’t signify me first; it indicates me too.” ~L.R. Knost
We exist in a culture that glorifies enduring hardships; burnout is frequently flaunted as a badge of honor, and numerous job descriptions straightforwardly declare, “Must be capable of performing well under stress and flourish in a dynamic environment.”
I’m fully aware that self-care is not a luxury; it is vital. “You can’t pour from an empty cup” and “You must secure your own oxygen mask before aiding others” are two of the most recognized sayings. And while they may seem clichéd, they hold true.
I’ve cited these phrases on numerous instances, albeit perhaps with slightly varied wording, as they have become so widespread and overused that many individuals merely roll their eyes upon hearing them once more.
As a holistic practitioner, I regard self-care with a great deal of importance, as I am acutely aware of the repercussions that arise when we overlook our own needs and well-being.
Perhaps it’s also a sign of aging—I’m in my late fifties. When I was younger and occupied with demanding jobs, I never acknowledged that I was stressed or needed to take a step back. Back then, I felt as though I was enjoying myself, despite the evident consequences: back pain and toothache from grinding my teeth.
Honestly, as a woman without kids, I find it quite easy to incorporate self-care into my routine, since I can arrange my day, work, and leisure as I like. I have no caregiving duties, unlike many in the “sandwich generation,” who care for both children and aging parents. Thankfully, my mother, despite being in her eighties, remains healthy and independent.
However, that changed abruptly one day last year when my mother had a fall and required surgery. She lives quite a distance away, so initially, our communication was limited to phone calls, and fortunately, my sister happened to be with her at that time. But my sister’s availability was restricted, as her family—she is married with two young children—awaited her return home.
I assured my mother that I would be there when she left the hospital to provide support during the initial weeks at home and facilitate a smoother transition for her. Since I am able to work remotely, it was a straightforward decision for me and the least I could do.
I booked my flights and canceled my holiday, intending to spend eight weeks with her. Fortunately, Mum and I maintain a decent relationship, which has always been the case, but I felt slightly nervous about spending extensive time together, living with her around the clock.
The last time I stayed with her for an extended period was while attending a two-month course, and I opted to stay with her for logistical ease. For various reasons, our time together was quite challenging. My mother has her routines, I have mine, and while she is quite accommodating and I attempted to be adaptable, we encountered some significant differences. Additionally—and perhaps this is my ‘excuse’—I was a bit stressed due to my studies, preparing for an exam. Therefore, this time, I aimed to approach things differently.
In the initial days following my arrival, Mum was still in the hospital, and it brought me joy to see her and learn that her recovery was progressing well. It was also gratifying to witness her gratitude for not being alone.
Upon my mother’s discharge from the hospital, thankfully, she didn’t require full-time care, but there were medical appointments, physiotherapy sessions, phone calls to insurance providers, paperwork to manage, home modifications to arrange, and countless small tasks that coalesced into one massive responsibility.
Simultaneously, I continued running my own business, seeing clients online from her spare bedroom. Each evening, I would glance at my own to-do list and realize that I hadn’t accomplished much of anything. The peculiar aspect wasn’t my exhaustion; it was that I had come to accept this as the norm, and I’m certain that’s the everyday reality for many caregivers.
<pLike so many of us, I automatically adopted the notion that there was no time left to care for myself. It’s easy to fall into this trap when confronted with the stark reality rather than an ideal theoretical scenario.
I felt ensnared in survival mode, merely functioning and juggling tasks to keep everything afloat. From coordinating and organizing everything for Mum to seeing clients and managing my practice normally, I felt like I was on a hamster wheel with no time left for myself—or so I believed.
Yet, I recognized that something needed to change, as I wanted my stay and our time together to be supportive, positive, and harmonious. This time, I took my own advice more earnestly.
Although I couldn’t maintain all my usual sports activities—at home, I cycle and play tennis at least twice weekly, which significantly benefits my physical and mental well-being—I could still carve out a few moments each day for what I call my stress hygiene. Just a few minutes. That’s the beauty of my preferred self-care practice: TRE (Tension Releasing Exercises) requires minimal time and can be performed almost anywhere.
In TRE, we encourage the body to do what it instinctively knows how to do after experiencing stress: literally shake off the tension it has been holding onto. As your muscles relax, your nervous system also gradually calms down, leading you towards a state of deep relaxation and restorative peace.
I believe that is one of the most crucial aspects each of us must discover: a method to release stress, rather than merely managing it. To me, managing stress often feels like reorganizing or pushing it aside. What we truly seek is a technique that aids us in letting it go, whatever that practice may entail for you.
It really has to be effective for you in reality, as otherwise, what’s the point of simply appreciating the concept? Many people assert, “I know I should meditate, but I can’t remain still,” and they force themselves to do so. I have observed far too many individuals struggle, simply because their heart wasn’t in it and perhaps they lacked belief in it as well.
However, when you discover the stress hygiene technique that resonates with you, it will be delightful to practice; you will feel compelled to do it, and you will recognize the difference it can create for you, your life, and those around you. I also believe you will just know. There’s an inner feeling, an intuitive sense. Most importantly, inquire within: Does engaging in this practice bring you joy and a sense of relaxation?
Admittedly, there are numerous methods you may need to experiment with before discovering ‘the one’—perhaps akin to kissing a few frogs before finding your prince or princess.
Here are a few recommendations. Some lean more towards the mental, such as:
- Meditation, whether guided or not
- Visualizations
- Grounding
- Writing, journaling, poetry
Others are more physical, such as:
- Something as basic as walking barefoot on the earth
- Breathing exercises
- Movement: running, walking, dancing, boxing …
- More time in nature, ideally without your phone or headphones
- Yoga, Tai Chi, TRE
You might also consider exploring gadgets such as vagus nerve stimulators. They may work for you; they might ultimately gather dust after the novelty wears off, but I wanted to include them regardless.
Returning to my personal experience, I practiced whenever possible: at times when I was with my mother in the garden, sometimes during conversations with her, and often in bed, just before I fell asleep or in the first few moments after waking.
Since nothing had altered and life continued to be busy, I didn’t initially realize how much the practice was benefiting me. Yet, I began to feel more like myself again, calmer and more in control of my surroundings. Additionally, I slept better. Frequently, it’s those in our immediate circle who notice the changes first.
It was my mother’s partner who told her that I appeared much kinder, and rather than reacting to his remarks—we have our moments—I listened more patiently and responded without irritability regarding the trivial matters that could have easily triggered tension.
Thus, here’s what I’ve learned and wish to share with you, hoping it will be beneficial, whether you are a (sandwich) caregiver or a busy professional in a highly demanding job:
- Even if those somewhat overused expressions about empty cups and oxygen masks sound clichéd, they are undoubtedly true.
- Continue to explore various stress release techniques until you find one that genuinely resonates with you. Trust me, it will be worth it.
- Just a few minutes can yield a tremendous impact.
- If you don’t perceive a difference in yourself, ask those around you. They might be the first to notice.
I recognize that we are expected to keep functioning under myriad circumstances, often bearing invisible and emotional burdens and concerns, but that shouldn’t be the gold standard. Perhaps you are motivated to break this vicious cycle by prioritizing your health and well-being. This entails achieving balance, regulating your nervous system, being more compassionate towards yourself and others, and ultimately avoiding burnout.
Burnout is genuine, particularly for caregivers or busy parents, whether caring is their profession or they do it out of love. Please always remember that you deserve the same kindness and care you so willingly provide to others.
A few minutes spent caring for yourself is not an escape from caring for others. It is part of caring. Not only for yourself but also for those who rely on you.
**The Necessity of Prioritizing Self-Care During Hectic Periods**
In today’s rapidly moving world, the demands from work, family, and social commitments often lead to overwhelming schedules and stress. During such hectic times, the significance of self-care becomes even clearer. Making self-care a priority is crucial not just for maintaining physical health but also for safeguarding mental and emotional well-being.
**Defining Self-Care**
Self-care includes a variety of activities and practices that individuals partake in to enhance their own health and wellness. It encompasses physical actions, such as exercising and balanced nutrition, along with mental and emotional activities, such as mindfulness, relaxation strategies, and hobbies. The key lies in discovering what works best for each person and prioritizing it, especially during chaotic times.
**The Advantages of Self-Care**
1. **Lessens Stress**: Participating in self-care activities can markedly reduce stress levels. Practices like meditation, yoga, or even a simple walk can help clear the mind and alleviate anxiety.
2. **Enhances Physical Health**: Consistent self-care routines, including exercise and nutritious eating, contribute to improved physical health. This can result in higher energy levels and enhanced immune functions, making it more manageable to confront busy times.
3. **Boosts Productivity**: Dedicating time to self-care can, in fact, enhance productivity. When individuals prioritize their well-being, they are more focused, driven, and efficient in their responsibilities.
4. **Fosters Emotional Resilience**: Self-care aids individuals in building emotional resilience. By taking time to recharge, individuals can better navigate challenges and sustain a positive perspective.
5. **Strengthens Relationships**: When individuals engage in self-care, they tend to be more patient and present in their interactions. This can foster healthier communications with family, friends, and colleagues.
**Strategies for Emphasizing Self-Care**
1. **Plan It**: Just as one would arrange a meeting or an appointment, it’s vital to schedule self-care activities. Set aside time in your calendar for exercise, relaxation, or hobbies.
2. **Establish Boundaries**: Learn to decline extra commitments that might overwhelm you. Setting boundaries is essential for safeguarding your time and energy.
3. **Implement Mindfulness**: Integrate mindfulness techniques into your daily routine. This could be as simple as taking a few deep breaths or spending a few moments in quiet contemplation.
4. **Stay Active**: Discover ways to include physical activity in your day, even if it’s merely a brief walk or some stretching. Movement is crucial for both physical and mental well-being.
5. **Connect Socially**: Carve out time for social interactions, whether it’s a phone call with a friend or a family gathering. Social support is a vital aspect of self-care.
6. **Reduce Screen Exposure**: Minimize the time spent on screens, particularly social media, which can elevate stress and anxiety. Instead, participate in activities that encourage relaxation and joy.
**Final Thoughts**
In conclusion, prioritizing self-care during busy times is not a luxury; it is a necessity. By dedicating time to self-care, individuals can manage life’s challenges more effectively, maintain better health, and cultivate stronger relationships. As life’s demands continue to increase, making self-care a priority will cultivate a more balanced, fulfilling, and resilient life.