The Hurdles of Relaxation and the Significance of Valuing Rest in Our Lives

“Failure to give your mind and body a break may lead to your own breakdown. Cease the relentless push through pain and fatigue; prioritize your self-care.” ~Lori Deschene

In November of 2021, my autoimmune symptoms intensified. My physician and I remain uncertain whether it was rheumatoid arthritis or fibromyalgia causing the issues, or if they were working together, but the persistent discomfort and crippling fatigue indicated heightened activity.

I awoke feeling drained, required naps, and frequently depleted my spoons—a term familiar to those with chronic ailments, derived from a beautiful essay titled “The Spoon Theory” by Christine Miserandino.

Although the cause was unclear, one thing was unmistakable: my body was insisting on rest.

Do you understand how challenging it is to simply rest?

I genuinely mean it.

Recognizing my need for rest didn’t automatically provide the ability to achieve it.

While settling down to watch a program, I often found myself attempting to juggle multiple tasks. Alternatively, I would try to delay a nap like a stubborn toddler. Instead of dramatically collapsing on the floor, I attempted to “power through” to finish an email or transfer laundry to the dryer.

Even though my body and mind were pleading for rest, it was a struggle to allow myself to take it. Ultimately, I had to reparent myself to be able to rest, establishing stopping times and periods of rest.

People in the Western world, particularly here in the United States where I reside, are conditioned to value productivity. We are told—and we tell ourselves—everything that we “ought” to accomplish to remain busy. Work in its various forms, from job responsibilities to errands to household tasks, is what we’re “expected” to do.

We have been taught to be productive and to maintain busyness since childhood. Phrases like “I’ll rest when I’m dead” and “no rest for the weary” are commonplace. We are encouraged to “pay our dues” and “put in the work.”

Even if we were fortunate enough to evade outright messaging about remaining busy, most of us absorbed these concepts indirectly by observing those around us.

We witnessed our parents arrive home from work loaded with grocery bags, only to prepare dinner while unloading their groceries. We were questioned about our activities and felt wrong if our candid response was a child’s innocent “nothing.”

Long after dinner, once everything was tidied and it was “time to unwind,” we observed our parents engage in further work, whether paid or unpaid. We saw them knitting, ironing, or puttering around the home.

We have been conditioned to believe that “hard work” is essential for success. That “nothing worth having comes easy.” That we shouldn’t rest when tired, but only when we are “finished.”

Sitting down and resting is not prioritized. Individuals who choose to rest frequently need to justify it: they must have earned the right to take a break.

Rest is not solely about sleep, although that is a significant aspect. It also encompasses comfortably sitting doing hardly anything at all.

This might include listening to music, watching television, or meditating. Or maybe quietly working on a jigsaw puzzle, a craft, or reading a book or article. Perhaps playing solitaire, gazing out the window, or journaling.

During the fall, while battling my autoimmune flare, it struck me that I needed to prioritize resting more. I had become so accustomed to ignoring my body’s cues that I didn’t realize how far I had pushed beyond my limits.

When I turned my attention to how my body and mind genuinely felt, I was astonished to discover that they were close to buckling, nearly collapsing.

I waited to recognize what was happening until I had reached a stage where completing even the simplest daily tasks became nearly impossible. A good day during that phase might have included accomplishing a single load of laundry or preparing dinner for my husband and myself.

I was so focused on remaining busy that I could no longer assess my true need for activity honestly. I had lost the ability to listen to my body to determine if it needed movement and stretching or even to just lie down and sleep.

If I had persisted in pushing ahead any longer, I am certain I would have become ill. At that point, I was grappling with brain fog, fatigue, and both joint and muscle pain, all of which rendered life difficult.

It is clear now that I should not have allowed my situation to reach that level, but fatigue, pain, and brain fog have a way of colluding to obscure clear judgment. Nonetheless, upon reaching the brink of collapse and burnout, I recognized that serious rest was necessary.

I effectively cleared my calendar for a minimum of three weeks. I removed appointments from my work schedule, planned a few brief blog posts and emails, and took a break.

It was agonizing initially.

For one thing, my husband was still waking up and venturing out into the world to teach tai chi and qigong classes, thus demonstrating “appropriate” work behavior. Additionally, I found myself unable to “just rest.”

I had to rediscover how to listen to my body to understand what it truly needed.

I also needed to reshape my beliefs about rest, recognizing it as an inherent right rather than a reward for being productive.

I had to learn methods to actually achieve it.

I engaged in all the previously mentioned forms of rest, from naps to puzzles to quiet sitting. It was absurdly challenging.

I nearly had to compel myself to restrict to single-tasking, which involves focusing on one task at a time. This was particularly difficult when the task was straightforward, like watching a television show. My inner dialogue would intensify, scolding me for “just sitting there,” urging me to “be productive.”

In those moments when I decided that rest equated to watching a movie, I occasionally resorted to sitting on my hands to resist the urge to reach for my phone or a crossword puzzle or anything else. I often turned my phone to silent and deliberately placed it in another room to minimize temptation.

To be honest: despite taking proactive steps to single-task, I didn’t always succeed. Nonetheless, I learned through reinforcement that there was nothing urgent likely to crop up in an hour or two that would require me to sacrifice resting for immediate action.

I realized that, in many respects, I was retraining my nervous system to permit relaxation. It was accustomed to being in a state of alertness, so allowing it some time off required adjustment.

What I discovered when I began to incorporate rest into my daily routine was that I could more readily recognize the signals my body was transmitting. It became simpler to communicate with my brain and body to understand how they were feeling and what they required.

It may sound somewhat disconnected when articulated this way, but I have never felt more unified than I do now. At any moment, I can pause, assess my feelings (both mental and physical), and address my needs in ways that are more nurturing and compassionate than before.

When I notice that my focus is waning on a project—perhaps while drafting a blog post or organizing a workshop—I no longer force myself to push through. Instead, thanks to months of practice, I take a moment to check in with my brain and body. Due to my practice, I can quickly discern whether I need a brief break, a walk, some fresh air, or if it’s time to stop for the day.

I am learning to accept that rest is an inherent right, not something that requires justification. It is no longer something that only happens after I have pushed myself to the brink of collapse.

Ultimately, the more I embrace rest and integrate it into my daily existence, the more energy I possess to accomplish all that I wish to achieve in life.

Incorporating breaks or downtime during the day leads to improved concentration when I need to focus on tasks. With rest included in my routines, I find the energy to work out in the morning and prepare a nutritious dinner.

I encourage you to join me in inserting genuine breaks into your day, where nothing “productive” happens at all. No returning phone calls or emails or texts—just restful moments. I’d love to hear about your experiences with this.

**The Difficulties of Resting and the Significance of Valuing Rest in Our Lives**

In the current accelerated environment, the notion of rest frequently takes a backseat to the pressures of work, family, and social engagements. Despite its vital contribution to sustaining physical and mental well-being, many individuals find it challenging to weave sufficient rest into their daily lives. This article delves into the obstacles tied to resting and highlights the significance of prioritizing rest in our lives.

### The Challenges of Resting

1. **Cultural Expectations**: In a variety of cultures, there’s a dominant belief that productivity equates to value. This societal narrative often glorifies busyness, instilling guilt in individuals who take time for rest. The compulsion to continually perform can create a cycle of overexertion and burnout, where rest is perceived as a luxury instead of a necessity.

2. **Technological Distractions**: The advent of technology has obscured the boundaries between work and personal time. With devices like smartphones and laptops constantly at hand, the allure of checking emails or engaging in work-related tasks during supposed leisure can obstruct genuine rest. The continual stream of notifications and information can instigate a sense of urgency that complicates unwinding.

3. **Mental Health Issues**: Anxiety, depression, and various other mental health challenges can profoundly affect an individual’s capacity to rest. Racing thoughts, worries, and stress can hinder relaxation, leading to insomnia or unsettled sleep. For those grappling with mental health struggles, the act of resting may seem daunting or unattainable.

4. **Physical Health Concerns**: Chronic pain, sickness, or fatigue can complicate effective resting. Individuals might find it hard to unwind due to discomfort or health complications, creating a damaging cycle of stress and weariness.

5. **Overcommitment**: Numerous people overcrowd their schedules with work, social commitments, and family duties, leaving minimal time for rest. The inability to decline additional obligations can result in overwhelming sensations and a lack of downtime.

### The Importance of Prioritizing Rest

1. **Physical Health**: Sufficient rest is fundamental for physical wellness. Sleep is critical for the body’s healing, regeneration, and maintenance of a robust immune system. Prolonged sleep deprivation can lead to serious health hazards, including obesity, diabetes, and heart disease.

2. **Mental Clarity and Focus**: Rest is crucial for cognitive functioning. A well-rested mind is more adept at concentration, problem-solving, and creativity. Valuing rest can boost productivity and efficiency, ultimately resulting in improved performance in personal and professional areas.

3. **Emotional Well-being**: Rest significantly impacts emotional health. It enables individuals to process their thoughts and feelings, decreasing stress and anxiety levels. Allocating time to rest can enhance mood, increase resilience, and foster a more positive life perspective.

4. **Enhanced Relationships**: When individuals emphasize rest, they become more present and engaged in their relationships. Meaningful time with family and friends often suffers when one is fatigued or overwhelmed. Resting fosters deeper connections and more significant interactions.

5. **Long-term Sustainability**: In a society that often champions hustle culture, valuing rest is a revolutionary act of self-care. It promotes a sustainable lifestyle where individuals can pursue their aspirations without sacrificing health and well-being. By acknowledging the significance of rest, individuals can cultivate a balanced life that harmonizes ambition and self-care.

### Conclusion

The difficulties surrounding resting are complex and deeply intertwined with societal norms and personal habits. Nonetheless, the importance of prioritizing rest cannot be overstated. By recognizing the obstacles to rest and intentionally working to overcome them, individuals can enhance their overall quality of life. Embracing rest as a fundamental element of well-being is vital for attaining a balanced and fulfilling life.