Words of Transformation That Altered My Self-View

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“Always speak kind words to your child. Even if it appears they’re not hearing, if you repeat those loving words a hundred or a thousand times, they will eventually become the child’s own beliefs.” ~My grandmother

When I reflect on my childhood, the first word that pops into my mind is “night.”

The nights were consistently the most challenging.

My father battled alcoholism, sometimes channeling that anguish into violence at home.

As a child, I felt as though danger lurked around every corner once the sun set.

I was scared to sleep soundly. I kept my light on in my room because darkness felt like surrendering control.
I positioned my head right next to the door, leaving it ajar. I wanted the door to bump my head if anyone entered so I would awaken quickly.

Part of me feared that my father might stumble into my room and harm me while I slept.
Another part was concerned he might hurt my mother, and I wouldn’t be aware. So I remained half-awake, attuned to every noise, ready to leap up and defend her, despite being just a small child.

Existing in this manner made school feel insurmountable.

I was far too weary to concentrate, and my body was tense from every night’s ordeal. To make matters worse, people in our neighborhood were aware of my father.

Some parents instructed their children not to associate with me due to his reputation. At school, I frequently sat by myself. I observed other children sharing laughter during lunch while I ate quietly in a corner.

Teachers mainly focused on the trouble I created when my pain manifested as bad behavior. They reprimanded me repeatedly, and soon I began to believe there was something fundamentally wrong with me.

In my own thoughts, I wasn’t a frightened and fatigued kid. I was “the bad one,” the problem child, the one everyone shunned. I didn’t know how to alter that narrative, so I wore it like a heavy burden.

My mother was struggling too. She was affected by my father, anxious about finances, and perpetually concerned about what might transpire next. Sometimes, when I misbehaved, she shouted at me due to her exhaustion. I don’t hold it against her—she was doing her best in an impossible situation.

One day, my grandmother came to visit and witnessed my mother yelling at me. Later, she took my mother aside and shared something that changed our lives.

She said, “Only speak kind words to your child. Even if it seems he’s not listening, if you repeat those loving words a hundred or a thousand times, they will ultimately become his thoughts.”

My grandmother believed that the repetition of love could rewrite a child’s internal landscape.

My mother took this more seriously than I could have anticipated. She began to carry a small notebook.
Within it, she penned sentence after sentence—things she hoped I would believe about myself. The pages were filled, nearly bursting with her aspirations for me.

Every day she selected a different line to share with me. Sometimes she would say, “You are a kind boy.” Other times, “You can grow into a gentle, strong adult.” Occasionally, “No matter what you did today, you still possess a good heart.”

Initially, I was skeptical of these words. They appeared to be lies because my daily reality didn’t change overnight.
Kids continued to steer clear of me, teachers remained strict, and my father still drank.

Inside, my mind replied, “No, I’m not kind. I’m broken.” But my mother persisted. Even on days when I made significant errors, she opened her notebook, glanced at her list, and selected another kind sentence for me.

She recited these words like a quiet prayer over my life. At times, she probably didn’t fully believe them herself, but she said them nonetheless.

Gradually, something began to shift. I can still recall the first time a teacher commended me for helping another student. For a fleeting moment, I thought, “Maybe I truly can be kind.” It felt like my mother’s words had been resting inside me, waiting for the right moment to awaken.

As the years rolled by, those sentences transformed into a new inner voice. I started to envision a future where I completed school, found meaningful work, and developed into a gentle adult instead of repeating my father’s patterns.

I still bore scars and anger, but I also had this continual background melody of kindness in my mind.
It provided me just enough courage to keep pushing forward.

Eventually, I enrolled in university. I studied programming and discovered something I excelled at. The first time I could purchase my mom a phone with my own salary, I felt as though I crossed a threshold my childhood self never imagined possible.

I wasn’t the “bad kid” any longer; I was an adult capable of giving back to the woman who never gave up on me.

Looking back, I recognize that my life didn’t transform because someone handed me a flawless plan. It evolved because someone opted for different words repeatedly, even when our surroundings were still chaotic.

Love arrived in the form of sentences softly repeated, like drops of water gradually carving out a new course through stone. My grandmother was correct: words recited a hundred or a thousand times ultimately evolve into thoughts.

Initially, my mind was saturated with phrases like “I’m dangerous,” “I ruin everything,” and “No one wants me.”

My mother’s notebook introduced new phrases: “I’m learning,” “I can be gentle,” “I have a future.”

Over time, those new phrases became the ones that resonated as the most genuine.

I understand that not everyone has a mother or grandmother like mine. Many individuals grow up devoid of anyone to utter kind words to them. Some of us are even surrounded by those who proclaim the contrary—that we are lazy, hopeless, or unlovable.

If that resonates with you, I’m truly sorry. I understand how burdensome those words can be.

But here’s what my life has taught me: even if no one else has offered this to you yet, you can begin doing it for yourself.

You can be the one who crafts a notebook filled with uplifting phrases about your own heart.

You can select one new phrase each day and repeat it until it no longer feels like a falsehood.

You can choose that your inner voice will be the initial space where a different story commences.

If you were raised in fear, like I was, perhaps nights remain challenging for you. Maybe your body recalls events that your mind tries to erase. In those moments, rather than fighting yourself for being scared, you might try placing one hand on your chest and whispering something gentle, such as, “It makes sense that you’re afraid. But you’re not alone anymore.”

It won’t wipe away the past, but it can soften the present.

If you’re a parent or caregiver, or if there’s a child in your life facing hardship, remember what my grandmother advised. They may roll their eyes or act indifferent. They may even push you away. But your kind words are still finding their way deep inside, planting seeds they may not acknowledge until years later.

I once believed that healing meant instantaneously becoming strong and fearless. Now I realize that healing often manifests as this: a small child who used to sleep with his head against the door grows into an adult capable of finally turning off the light at night.

Not because the world is entirely safe, but because he now harbors a different voice within—one that says, “You are worth protecting. You are entitled to rest.”

My life commenced in a household filled with shouting and shattered glass. It could have easily concluded there, in the same cycles of anger and pain. But my grandmother’s insight, my mother’s notebook, and those repeated phrases provided me with a different direction.

If you’re reading this and feel ensnared in your old narrative, I want you to understand something. You don’t need to pretend that everything was alright. Your pain is genuine, and it warrants respect.

But your story isn’t over, and you are not merely a product of your past. You are also the words you choose today.

Perhaps you begin with just one simple phrase, whispered to yourself in the stillness: “I am more than my past.”

Repeat it a hundred times if you must. Say it a thousand times.

One day, you may look back and realize that this phrase became the cornerstone of an entirely new existence.

*I don’t speak English well, so I utilized ChatGPT to aid in translating my story. Yet everything you’ve read stems from my own memories and my own heart. I penned this because I ardently wish to convey what my family’s love has taught me about healing.

**Transformative Words That Shifted My Self-Perception**

Words carry an incredible power; they can elevate, inspire, and reshape our understanding of ourselves. Throughout our lives, specific phrases and affirmations can greatly influence our self-perception, leading to profound changes in how we perceive our abilities, worth, and potential. Here are some transformative words and phrases that hold the power to reshape self-perception.

1. **”I am enough.”**
This straightforward affirmation acts as a reminder that we do not need to conform to external standards or seek validation from others to feel valuable. Embracing the concept that we are enough can help counter feelings of inadequacy and promote self-acceptance.

2. **”I am capable.”**
Recognizing our abilities is crucial for fostering confidence. This phrase encourages us to acknowledge our skills and strengths, empowering us to tackle challenges and pursue our objectives without fear of failure.

3. **”I deserve happiness.”**
Many individuals grapple with the belief that they are unworthy of joy or success. Affirming that we deserve happiness is a vital step towards prioritizing our well-being and making choices aligned with our desires and values.

4. **”I am a work in progress.”**
Accepting that personal growth is an ongoing journey allows us to embrace our imperfections. This phrase encourages patience and self-compassion, reminding us that it’s okay to evolve and learn from our experiences.

5. **”I am resilient.”**
Acknowledging our resilience can alter our perspective on challenges and setbacks. This phrase reinforces the notion that we possess the strength to navigate adversity, fostering a sense of empowerment and determination.

6. **”I am worthy of love.”**
Comprehending our inherent worthiness of love and connection is essential for cultivating healthy relationships. This affirmation can help dismantle feelings of unworthiness that may stem from past experiences or negative self-talk.

7. **”I am unique.”**
Celebrating our individuality is vital for nurturing a positive self-image. This phrase encourages us to embrace our distinct qualities and contributions, instilling a sense of pride in who we are.

8. **”I can change.”**
Believing in our capacity to change is fundamental for personal development. This affirmation empowers us to take control of our lives and make choices that reflect our aspirations, reinforcing the concept that transformation is achievable.

9. **”I am deserving of success.”**
Many individuals struggle with imposter syndrome, doubting their accomplishments and capabilities. Affirming that we deserve success can help alleviate these feelings, motivating us to chase our dreams with confidence.

10. **”I am loved.”**
Reminding ourselves that we are loved, whether by family, friends, or community, can enhance our sense of self-worth. This affirmation fosters a sense of belonging and reinforces the idea that others value us.

In summary, the words we opt to internalize can significantly shape our self-perception. By embracing transformative phrases, we can cultivate a more positive and empowering view of ourselves. It’s crucial to understand the influence of language in shaping our identities and to consciously select words that uplift and inspire us on our path of self-discovery and growth.