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“You are not merely a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean contained within a drop.” —Rumi
The final days of the year felt like the perfect moment to release. I stood in my yard, surrounded by twenty-five years’ worth of journals—bulky notebooks brimming with prayers, confessions, and late-night musings—poised to let them go to the flames.
I wasn’t being overdramatic. I was being intentional. I stopped daily journaling several years back.
For years, I had utilized these journals as a sort of inner courtroom, perpetually constructing a case against myself or others. Each page contained evidence of my shortcomings, proof of my exceptional capacity to deceive myself. I could shrink or transform into whatever was needed for someone else’s ease.
Petite floral booklets chronicling all the ways I failed to get “it” right.
I believed I was processing my experiences. In reality, I was prosecuting.
But something curious occurred as I sifted through them one last time. The first journal began with the passionate prayers of a fifteen-year-old devoted Christian girl, imploring God to guide her path. The final one concluded with a forty-year-old woman seeking direction from her spirit guides. Different words. Different cosmic addresses. The same desperate energy.
I was perpetually seeking someone else—something else—to rescue me.
Across decades, births, relocations, career shifts, and numerous spiritual identities, one theme remained unchanged: I wrote as though I was confined in a universe beyond my control. My words portrayed me as a spectator in my own life, observing myself make decisions I didn’t comprehend, powerless against forces I couldn’t name.
Please assist me in ceasing this behavior.
Why does this continue happening to me?
I don’t understand why I can’t shift.
When will the ideal thing I truly need come to me?
Every entry reinforced the same narrative: something beyond myself was orchestrating events. Whether I referred to it as God, the Universe, my Higher Self, energy, or my spirit guides, I engaged with it similarly—as a helpless child pleading with a parent for morsels of control over my own existence.
I didn’t recognize I was doing this. That’s the treacherous aspect of spiritual bypassing masked as devotion. It feels sacred. It feels humble. It feels like letting go.
Yet there’s a distinction between surrender and relinquishment.
When Spirituality Becomes Disempowerment
Last year, I signed up for a shamanic training program. Of all the training sessions I had participated in, it was by far my favorite. My mentor identified something in our very first session that I’d been oblivious to for decades. She listened to me narrate my spiritual practice—my daily prayers, my readings, my seeking of signs—and simply stated: “You’re interacting with the spiritual realm as if you have no agency.”
I bristled. Wasn’t that the goal? Wasn’t I meant to pose requests to the cosmos? That’s a fairly central theme throughout the extensive range of ways I have related to forces beyond myself.
“Prayer isn’t synonymous with powerlessness,” she remarked. “You’re entitled to ask for what you want. You’re allowed to make decisions. You’re called to be a leader and director in your own existence, even if you acknowledge something greater than yourself.”
In the months that followed, I revisited this theme repeatedly. I paused every time I slipped into that familiar victim language—if it’s meant to occur, it will; I’m simply waiting for validation; the Universe will reveal when it’s time to move or remain.
“You’re the one living your life,” Chris reminded me. “Not the Universe. Not your guides. You.”
Reflecting on those journals with fresh perspective, I could see how this foundational disempowerment had influenced everything. Every relationship I had lingered in too long because “perhaps this is my lesson.” Every opportunity I missed because I was “awaiting divine timing.” Every dream I postponed because I didn’t receive the straightforward way to begin.
I had delegated my decision-making to the cosmos. And the cosmos, with its infinite wisdom, had evidently determined I should spend years ensnared in patterns that didn’t benefit me, posing the same inquiries, repeating the same errors, awaiting permission to live differently.
The reality is more straightforward and frightening: I was waiting for permission from myself.
When You Stop Asking and Start Choosing
The transformation didn’t occur overnight. It began with small, uncomfortable exercises of agency.
Instead of inquiring with my cards whether I should pursue a new opportunity, I asked myself what I genuinely wanted. Instead of praying for clarity about a challenging relationship, I became honest about what I already recognized regarding my needs. Instead of anticipating a sign that it was time to change, I initiated the change.
Initially, all my old fears arose. Who was I to make decisions? Who was I to desire specific things? Who was I to act independent of cosmic endorsement?
But gradually, I began to grasp: spirituality doesn’t necessitate me to be diminutive. Faith doesn’t signify relinquishing my own will. Believing in something greater than myself doesn’t imply I have to doubt my own significance.
I could honor the mystery while still making choices. I could trust in divine timing and still take action. I could surrender control over outcomes while accepting full responsibility for my decisions.
So I set the journals ablaze.
I didn’t review every page. I didn’t feel the need to rehash every crisis or cringe at every desolate plea. I already knew their content. I’d been proclaiming it for decades: Rescue me. Repair me. Guide my actions. Provide what I need.
As I witnessed the pages curl, I contemplated what I wished to inscribe in my true life in the forthcoming year. Not prayers to external entities. Not pleas for rescue. Not evidence for the opposition.
Just truth. My truth. The chaotic, imperfect, often overwhelming yet still potent truth of a woman who has finally realized she’s entitled to choose her own existence—even while honoring forces beyond her comprehension.
I’m still spiritual. I still believe in magic, in the mysterious, in things beyond my grasp. But I no longer engage with the sacred from a standpoint of powerlessness. I pray differently now—not as a supplicant, but as a collaborator. I seek assistance, not salvation. I look for signs, but I don’t wait for them to give me the green light to live.
Because here’s what I’ve come to understand: the Universe doesn’t seek my compliance. It desires my involvement.
And I’m finally prepared to show up.
About Christina Lane
Christina Lane is a writer and somatic coach. You can take her new archetypes quiz, which will guide you to your primary and non-dominant archetypes and their best matches here: www.christinalanecoaching.com/email. We can learn immensely more about how our personality integrates with that of others through lenses like archetype work!
**The Dangers of Relying on the Universe Instead of Self-Reliance**
In modern discussions surrounding personal development and success, the idea of depending on the universe frequently arises. This notion implies that by aligning oneself with the universe’s energies, individuals can manifest their wishes and accomplish their goals. While this viewpoint can be empowering, it also carries significant hazards, especially when it results in a diminished sense of self-reliance.
**1. Reduced Personal Accountability**
One of the key dangers of relying on the universe is the potential decline in personal accountability. When individuals believe their destiny is dictated by external forces, they may neglect their obligations and actions. This mentality can lead to a passive approach to life, where individuals wait for opportunities to arrive rather than actively chasing their ambitions. Consequently, they may overlook valuable experiences and growth chances.
**2. Procrastination in Decision-Making**
Leaning on the universe can also contribute to procrastination and indecision. Individuals may find themselves waiting for signs or affirmations from the universe before taking action. This procrastination can hinder progress and obstruct them from making timely decisions that positively influence their lives. In today’s fast-paced world, the inability to act decisively can result in missed chances and heightened frustration.
**3. Disconnection from Reality**
A strong dependency on the universe can create a disconnect from reality. Individuals may become overly consumed by metaphysical ideas and lose sight of practical matters. This disconnection can lead to unrealistic anticipations and disappointments when outcomes do not align with their desires. It is vital to maintain a balance between spiritual beliefs and a grounded understanding of the world and its challenges.
**4. Weakening of Problem-Solving Skills**
Self-reliance nurtures critical thinking and problem-solving abilities. When individuals rely on the universe for direction, they may neglect developing these crucial skills. Over time, this reliance can lead to a lack of resilience and adaptability, making it challenging to navigate life’s inevitable obstacles. Cultivating self-reliance enables individuals to confront challenges directly and devise strategies to overcome them.
**5. Susceptibility to Manipulation**
Belief in the universe’s influence can leave individuals open to manipulation by those who exploit such beliefs for personal gain. This susceptibility can manifest in numerous forms, such as scams, cults, or misleading self-help programs that promise quick solutions without necessitating personal effort. It is essential for individuals to remain discerning and critical of the sources they engage with, ensuring they do not become victims of deceptive practices.
**6. Inhibiting Personal Growth**
Relying solely on the universe can lead to stagnation in personal growth. Self-reliance encourages individuals to establish goals, reflect on their experiences, and learn from their failures. When individuals entirely trust external forces, they may overlook the invaluable lessons that arise from overcoming challenges and striving for improvement. Personal growth typically requires active participation and effort, which can be undermined by a passive mindset.
**Conclusion**
Although the notion of depending on the universe can be enticing, it is crucial to acknowledge the dangers linked to this mindset. Emphasizing self-reliance cultivates personal accountability, decision-making abilities, and resilience—qualities vital for traversing life’s complexities. Striking a harmony between spiritual beliefs and practical actions can empower individuals to take control of their lives while remaining receptive to the opportunities the universe may provide. Ultimately, genuine fulfillment originates from within, propelled by self-awareness, effort, and a commitment to personal growth.