The Effect of a Harmful Work Environment on Self-Criticism and Individual Assurance

I once believed my struggles with stress were solely due to personal shortcomings.

Every Sunday night, a wave of anxiety would wash over me in anticipation of the upcoming week. My heart would race at the sight of certain emails in my inbox. Prior to meetings, I’d practice what I wanted to express repeatedly, aiming to steer clear of mistakes.

Back then, I directed the blame towards myself.

I kept telling myself to be tougher, more composed, superior, and more resilient. Everyone else appeared to be holding up well, leading me to conclude that I was the one at fault.

What eluded me at that time was the profound impact a toxic workplace can have on one’s self-perception.

From an outsider’s perspective, everything seemed perfectly fine. The organization was well-regarded. The leadership team was seen as ‘successful’ and respected. The individual causing most of my stress exuded charisma, confidence, and was held in high esteem by others.

This only intensified my struggle to trust my own feelings.

There were no overt acts of bullying. No shouting. No major incidents I could point to and declare, “This is why I’m struggling.” Instead, it was a gradual build-up of minor irritations.

Conversations that left me with an inexplicable sense of shame. Criticism masquerading as ‘advice.’ Instances when I’d leave feeling bewildered, questioning whether I’d misinterpreted what had just occurred.

At times, I received warm praise. Other instances found me ignored or covertly undermined. Team dynamics fostered feelings of paranoia and exclusion. The unpredictability drove me to continuously seek validation.

Thus, I exerted more effort.

I grew more cautious, accommodating, and critical of myself. I was convinced that if I communicated flawlessly and excelled, things would turn around.

But they did not.

Eventually, I came to the realization that I had begun to lose trust in my own judgment. I second-guessed even the simplest decisions. I found myself apologizing incessantly. I became emotionally drained from constantly gauging others’ moods and attempting to evade conflict.

Then one day during a team meeting, it struck me that my work environment mirrored my home environment from my childhood. Different individuals, but similar roles. The charismatic leader resembled a narcissist, surrounded by ‘enablers’—all eager to downplay, justify, or excuse the toxic conduct. In that moment, I recognized it for what it truly was—narcissistic abuse in the workplace.

Reflecting on the past, I can now see how unhealthy environments often condition us to disconnect from our instincts. We become so focused on maintaining harmony, satisfying others, or avoiding criticism—or even fixated on our ambitions—that we fail to notice the signals our mind and body are trying to convey.

Mine had long been signaling a message.

The pivotal moment arrived when a friend posed the question, “Do you actually feel safe there?”

I recall being taken aback by the inquiry because I had never considered emotional safety in the workplace before. I had assumed professionalism entailed enduring discomfort. Pushing through. Adapting.

Yet, deep down, I was aware of the truth.

No, I did not feel safe.

Not in a physical sense, but psychologically.

I didn’t feel free to express myself openly without repercussions. I felt uneasy about making mistakes. I no longer felt calm, grounded, or secure within myself. Everyone was vying for the boss’s approval, which, in retrospect, was wielded strategically.

Admitting that was hard, but it marked the onset of something significant.

For the first time, I ceased viewing my anxiety as a failing and began to recognize it as a form of insight.

My body was reacting to an environment that persistently fostered self-doubt.

Healing was not instantaneous. Rebuilding my confidence and reconnecting with my own voice took time. But gradually, I ceased to belittle what I had endured.

And I stopped holding myself accountable for being affected by it.

Many individuals are likely burdened by workplace experiences they haven’t fully confronted, as the harm isn’t always overtly visible. At times, it merely appears as a gradual diminishing of one’s confidence, voice, and certainty. Professional experiences should enhance confidence… not diminish it.

After I resigned, an overwhelming sense of relief washed over me, and my confidence and self-trust swiftly returned. It reaffirmed that it wasn’t me or my fault. I was experiencing a rational response to being in a toxic environment, rife with toxic, narcissistic dynamics.

This experience ultimately enhanced my understanding and equipped me to identify similar situations in the future, and to relate to others facing similar challenges in their workplaces. It’s quite common to find ourselves caught in ‘familiar dynamics’—even in professional settings. However, what feels familiar is not inherently healthy.

If you see yourself in this narrative, I hope you take this to heart:

You are not weak for being influenced by a detrimental environment.

We are all, as human beings, significantly affected by the spaces and relationships we inhabit. Often, the first step toward healing involves simply allowing yourself to acknowledge the truth about what those spaces or situations have inflicted upon you.