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“Always speak kind words to your child. Even if it seems like they’re not paying attention, if you repeat those positive words a hundred or a thousand times, they will eventually become the child’s own thoughts.” ~My grandmother
When I reflect on my childhood, the first thought that crosses my mind is “night.”
The nights were consistently the toughest.
My father battled with alcohol, which sometimes turned that anguish into aggression at home.
As a child, I felt that danger could emerge at any moment after dusk.
I was scared to sleep soundly. I left the light on in my room because darkness felt akin to surrendering control.
I rested my head close to the door, leaving it ajar. I wanted the door to nudge my head if someone entered so I could wake up rapidly.
Part of me feared that my father might come into my room and do something while I was asleep.
Another part was concerned he might harm my mother without me hearing it. So, I remained half-awake, attuned to every noise, prepared to jump up to defend her, despite being just a young child.
Existing like this made school feel unachievable.
I was too exhausted to concentrate, and my body was filled with tension from every night. Moreover, people in our neighborhood were aware of my father.
Some parents instructed their kids not to befriend me because of his reputation. At school, I frequently sat by myself. I observed other kids laughing together at lunch while I quietly ate in the corner.
Teachers mainly noticed the trouble I made when my pain erupted into misbehavior. They reprimanded me often, and soon I began to believe that something was seriously wrong with me.
In my own mind, I wasn’t a frightened and tired child. I was “the troublemaker,” the problematic child, the one everyone shunned. I didn’t know how to change that narrative, so I simply wore it like a heavy coat.
My mother struggled too. She was hurt by my father, anxious about finances, and perpetually worried about what could happen next. Sometimes, when I got into trouble, she yelled at me because her energy was depleted. I don’t hold it against her—she was doing her best in a seemingly impossible situation.
One day, my grandmother visited and witnessed my mother shouting at me. Later, she took my mother aside and shared something that transformed our lives.
She told her, “Only speak kind words to your child. Even if it appears he’s not listening, if you repeat those kind words a hundred or a thousand times, they will eventually become his thoughts.”
My grandmother was convinced that the repetition of love could reshape a child’s inner world.
My mother took this more seriously than I could have imagined. She began carrying a small notebook.
Inside it, she wrote line after line—things she wanted me to believe about myself. The pages were filled, nearly bursting with her aspirations for me.
Every day she selected a different line to share with me. Sometimes she would say, “You are a kind boy.” Other times, “You can evolve into a gentle, strong adult.” Occasionally, she’d say, “Regardless of what you did today, you still have a good heart.”
Initially, I didn’t trust these words. They felt like falsehoods because my daily life didn’t transform overnight.
Kids still distanced themselves from me, teachers remained strict, and my father continued to drink.
Deep down, my mind protested, “No, I’m not kind. I’m broken.” But my mother didn’t relent. Even on days when I made significant mistakes, she opened her notebook, glanced at her list, and selected another positive sentence for me.
She repeated these phrases like a quiet prayer over my life. At times, she probably didn’t fully believe them herself, yet she spoke them anyway.
Gradually, something began to change. I vividly remember the first time a teacher commended me for assisting another student. For a brief moment, I thought, “Maybe I really can be kind.” It was as if my mother’s words had been dormant inside me, waiting for the right moment to awaken.
As the years rolled by, those sentences evolved into a new inner voice. I started envisioning a future where I completed school, found meaningful work, and became a gentle adult instead of mirroring my father’s patterns.
I still bore scars and anger, but I also possessed this persistent background melody of kindness in my mind.
It provided me just enough courage to keep persevering.
Eventually, I enrolled in university. I pursued programming and discovered something I excelled at. The first time I was able to buy my mother a phone with my own earnings, I felt as though I had crossed a threshold my childhood self never thought possible.
I was no longer the “troubled kid”; I was an adult capable of giving back to the woman who never abandoned me.
Looking back, I realize my life didn’t transform because someone handed me a flawless plan. It changed because someone consistently chose different words, even when everything around us remained chaotic.
Love manifested in the form of phrases softly spoken repeatedly, like drops of water gradually shaping a new path through stone. My grandmother was correct: words uttered a hundred or a thousand times eventually become thoughts.
Initially, my mind was filled with statements like “I’m dangerous,” “I ruin everything,” and “No one wants me.”
My mother’s notebook provided me with fresh phrases: “I’m learning,” “I can be gentle,” “I have a future.”
Over time, those new phrases became the ones that felt most authentic.
I recognize that not everyone has a mother or grandmother like mine. Many grow up without anyone offering kind words. Some of us are even surrounded by individuals who declare the opposite—that we are lazy, hopeless, or unlovable.
If that resonates with you, I’m truly sorry. I understand how burdensome those words can be.
However, here’s what my life has taught me: even if no one has done this for you yet, you can begin doing it for yourself.
You can become the person who fills a notebook with uplifting sentences about your own heart.
You can pick one new phrase each day and repeat it until it no longer feels like a falsehood.
You can determine that your inner voice will be the first place where a different narrative starts.
If you grew up in fear, as I did, perhaps nights continue to be challenging for you. Maybe your body remembers things your mind attempts to erase. On those nights, rather than battling yourself for feeling frightened, you might try placing one hand on your chest and softly saying something compassionate, like, “It’s understandable that you’re scared. But you’re not alone anymore.”
It won’t erase the history, but it can soften the present.
If you’re a parent or caregiver, or if there’s a child in your life who is struggling, keep in mind what my grandmother said. They might roll their eyes or act indifferent. They might even reject you. But your kind words are still reaching somewhere deep within them, planting seeds they may not recognize until years down the line.
I once thought healing meant suddenly becoming strong and fearless. Now I believe healing often resembles this: a small child who used to sleep with his head against the door grows into an adult who can finally turn off the light at night.
Not because the world is flawlessly safe, but because he now carries a different voice within him—a voice that declares, “You are worth protecting. You are allowed to rest.”
My life commenced in a home filled with shouting and shattered glass. It could have easily concluded there, within the same cycles of anger and suffering. Yet my grandmother’s insight, my mother’s notebook, and those repeated phrases provided me with an alternative route.
If you’re reading this and feel trapped in your old narrative, I want you to know something. You don’t have to pretend that everything was alright. Your pain is genuine, and it merits respect.
But your story isn’t over, and you are not solely defined by what has happened to you. You are also the words you choose today.
Perhaps you start with just one simple sentence, whispered to yourself in the quiet: “I am more than my past.”
Repeat it a hundred times if necessary. Repeat it a thousand.
One day, you may look back and discover that this sentence became the foundation of an entirely new life.
*I don’t speak English fluently, so I utilized ChatGPT to assist me in translating my story. Nevertheless, everything you’ve read originates from my own memories and my own heart. I wrote this because I sincerely wish to share what my family’s love taught me about healing.
About Chanhyeok
Chanhyeok is an independent programmer from Korea who grew up in a household influenced by his father’s alcoholism and his mother’s quiet strength. He now develops small tools that assist people in speaking more kindly to themselves. His initial iOS app, Self Suggestion, delivers gentle affirmation reminders to your lock screen in eight languages. You can access it here: https://apps.apple.com/en/app/SelfSuggestion/id6754752885
**Transformative Words That Changed My Self-Perception**
Words hold remarkable power; they can uplift, inspire, and change us. Throughout our lives, specific phrases and affirmations can profoundly affect how we perceive ourselves and our abilities. Here are some transformative words that can reshape self-perception:
1. **”I am enough.”**
This statement serves as a strong reminder that we don’t need to meet outside standards or seek validation from others. Embracing the belief that we are enough nurtures self-acceptance and reduces feelings of inadequacy.
2. **”I can.”**
Replacing self-doubt with a simple affirmation of ability can alter our mindset. By recognizing our capacity to face challenges, we empower ourselves to pursue goals and conquer obstacles.
3. **”I deserve.”**
Grasping that we deserve happiness, success, and love is vital for self-esteem. This phrase encourages us to seek positive experiences and prioritize our well-being.
4. **”I am resilient.”**
Acknowledging our resilience amid adversity builds confidence. This affirmation serves as a reminder that we can recover from setbacks and glean lessons from our experiences.
5. **”I am worthy of love.”**
This declaration emphasizes that we deserve love and respect from both ourselves and others. It fosters healthier relationships and encourages self-compassion.
6. **”I choose.”**
Empowerment stems from understanding that we are capable of making choices in our lives. This phrase motivates us to control our decisions and act in harmony with our values.
7. **”I am a work in progress.”**
Accepting that personal development is a continuous journey lets us embrace imperfections. This perspective cultivates patience and urges us to celebrate small successes along the way.
8. **”I am unique.”**
Recognizing our individuality helps resist comparison to others. This affirmation promotes embracing our unique qualities and contributions.
9. **”I am capable of change.”**
Believing in our potential for change and growth is crucial for self-improvement. This statement inspires action and encourages personal development.
10. **”I am worthy of my dreams.”**
This assertion motivates us to chase our aspirations without guilt or hesitation. It reinforces the belief that our dreams are valid and attainable.
Integrating these transformative words into daily affirmations can lead to significant shifts in self-perception. By consciously choosing to embrace positive language, we can foster a healthier, more empowering self-image, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling life.