Do you feel like everything is overwhelming these days? Get When Life Sucks: 21 Days of Laughs and Light for free when you sign up for the Tiny Buddha newsletter.
“Always say kind words to your child. Even if it seems they’re not paying attention, if you repeat those loving words a hundred or a thousand times, they will eventually become the child’s own thoughts.” ~My grandmother
When I reflect on my childhood, the first thing that comes to mind is “night.”
The nights were always the most challenging.
My father battled with alcohol and sometimes channeled that pain into violence at home.
As a child, I felt as if danger could arise at any moment after dark.
I was afraid to fall into a deep sleep. I kept my room light on because darkness felt like losing control.
I slept with my head close to the door, leaving it slightly ajar. I wanted the door to bump my head if anyone entered so I would wake up quickly.
Part of me feared that my father might come in and do something while I was asleep.
Another part worried he might harm my mother without me noticing. So I remained half awake, tuning in to every sound, poised to jump up and protect her, even though I was only a small child.
Living this way made school feel out of reach.
I was too exhausted to concentrate, and my body was filled with tension from each night. Additionally, people in our neighborhood were aware of my father.
Some parents advised their children not to befriend me because of his reputation. At school, I often found myself sitting alone. I watched others laugh together during lunch while I quietly ate in the corner.
Teachers mostly noticed the trouble I stirred when my pain spilled into disruptive behavior. They scolded me frequently, and soon I began to think there was something intrinsically wrong with me.
In my own thoughts, I wasn’t a scared and drained child. I was “the bad one,” the troubled child, the one everyone shunned. I didn’t know how to change that narrative, so I wore it like a heavy burden.
My mother was struggling too. She was hurt by my father, anxious about finances, and constantly worried about what might come next. Sometimes, when I caused trouble, she yelled at me due to her exhaustion. I don’t hold it against her—she was doing her best in an overwhelming situation.
One day, my grandmother came for a visit and witnessed my mother yelling at me. Afterwards, she took my mother aside and shared something that transformed our lives.
She said, “Only say good words to your child. Even if it seems he’s not listening, if you repeat those positive words a hundred or a thousand times, they will ultimately become his thoughts.”
My grandmother believed in the power of love to reshape a child’s inner narrative.
My mother took this advice more seriously than I could have imagined. She began carrying a small notebook.
Inside, she wrote line after line—things she wanted me to believe about myself. The pages were filled, nearly overflowing with her aspirations for me.
Each day, she selected a different line to share with me. Sometimes she’d say, “You are a kind boy.” Other times, “You can become a gentle, strong adult.” Occasionally, “Regardless of what you did today, you still have a good heart.”
Initially, I didn’t trust these words. They felt untrue because my day-to-day reality didn’t shift overnight.
Kids still kept their distance, teachers remained strict, and my father continued to drink.
Inside, my mind responded, “No, I’m not kind. I’m broken.” But my mother persisted. Even on days I made significant mistakes, she opened her notebook, glanced at her list, and selected another encouraging sentence for me.
She repeated these words like a soft prayer over my life. At times she probably didn’t fully believe them herself, but she said them nonetheless.
Gradually, something began to change. I still recall the first time a teacher praised me for assisting another student. For just a moment, I thought, “Maybe I really can be kind.” It felt as though my mother’s words had been waiting inside me for the right moment to awaken.
As the years went by, those phrases evolved into a new inner voice. I started envisioning a future where I completed my education, found meaningful work, and became a gentle adult rather than repeating my father’s patterns.
I still bore scars and felt anger, but I also had this steady background music of kindness in my mind.
It provided just enough courage to keep moving forward.
Eventually, I attended university. I studied programming and discovered something I excelled at. The first time I was able to buy my mom a phone with my own earnings, I felt like I had crossed a threshold my childhood self never imagined possible.
I wasn’t the “bad kid” any longer; I was an adult who could give back to the woman who never stopped believing in me.
Looking back, I realize that my life didn’t transform because someone presented me with a perfect plan. It changed because someone continually chose different words, even when our surroundings remained chaotic.
Love appeared in the form of sentences gently whispered over and over again, like drops of water slowly shaping a new path through stone. My grandmother was correct: words repeated a hundred or a thousand times eventually become thoughts.
Initially, my mind was filled with sentences such as “I’m dangerous,” “I ruin everything,” and “No one desires me.”
My mother’s notebook provided me with new phrases: “I’m learning,” “I can be gentle,” “I hold a future.”
Over time, those new phrases became the ones that resonated most authentically.
I understand not everyone has a mother or grandmother like mine. Many people grow up without anyone to share kind words with them. Some of us are even surrounded by individuals who voice the opposite—that we are lazy, hopeless, or unlovable.
If this resonates with you, I sincerely apologize. I understand how burdensome those words can feel.
However, here is what my life has taught me: even if no one else has provided this for you yet, you can begin doing it for yourself.
You can be the one who fills a notebook with positive sentences about your own heart.
You can select one new sentence each day and repeat it until it no longer feels like a falsehood.
You can choose that your inner voice will be the first space where a new story begins.
If you grew up in fear, like I did, perhaps nights still pose a challenge for you. Maybe your body recalls things your mind tries to forget. On those nights, instead of berating yourself for feeling scared, try placing one hand on your chest and whispering something gentle, like, “It’s understandable that you’re afraid. But you’re not alone anymore.”
It won’t erase the past, but it can ease the present.
If you’re a parent or caregiver, or if there’s a child in your life who is struggling, remember what my grandmother taught me. They may roll their eyes or act disinterested. They may even push you away. But your kind words are still sinking in somewhere deep within them, planting seeds they might not recognize until years later.
I used to believe that healing meant suddenly becoming strong and fearless. Now I think healing often resembles this: a small child who once slept with his head against the door grows into an adult who can finally turn off the light at night.
Not because the world is perfectly safe, but because he now carries a different voice within him—a voice that says, “You are deserving of protection. You are permitted to rest.”
My life began in a place filled with shouting and shattered glass. It could have easily concluded there, continuing the same cycles of anger and pain. But my grandmother’s wisdom, my mother’s notebook, and those repeated phrases provided me with an alternative path.
If you’re reading this and feel trapped in your old narrative, I want you to know something. You don’t have to pretend that everything was fine. Your pain is genuine, and it warrants respect.
Yet your story is not over, and you are not solely what happened to you. You are also the words you choose today.
Perhaps you start with just one simple phrase, whispered to yourself in the quiet: “I am more than my past.”
Repeat it a hundred times if necessary. Say it a thousand.
One day, you might look back and realize that this phrase became the bedrock of an entirely new life.
*I don’t speak English well, so I utilized ChatGPT to assist me in translating my story. However, everything you’ve read stems from my own memories and heart. I wrote this because I genuinely want to share what my family’s love taught me about healing.
About Chanhyeok
Chanhyeok is an indie programmer from Korea who grew up in a home influenced by his father’s alcoholism and his mother’s quiet strength. He now develops small tools that assist people in speaking more kindly to themselves. His first iOS app, Self Suggestion, sends gentle affirmation reminders to your lock screen in eight languages. You can find it here: https://apps.apple.com/en/app/SelfSuggestion/id6754752885
**Transformative Words That Altered My Self-Image**
Words possess the ability to shape our thoughts, beliefs, and ultimately, our self-image. Throughout life, certain phrases or affirmations can resonate profoundly, prompting alterations in how we perceive ourselves. Here are some transformative words and expressions that can significantly impact self-image.
1. **”I am enough.”**
This straightforward affirmation challenges the widespread belief that we must always strive for more to have worth. Embracing the idea that we are enough as we are can promote self-acceptance and diminish feelings of inadequacy.
2. **”I am capable.”**
Acknowledging our abilities can empower us to tackle challenges and pursue our objectives. This phrase fosters a growth mindset, reinforcing the belief that we can learn and adapt, which boosts our confidence.
3. **”I deserve happiness.”**
Many individuals grapple with the idea of deserving joy and fulfillment. Affirming that we deserve happiness can help break down guilt and self-doubt, paving the way for us to seek what genuinely brings us joy.
4. **”I am a work in progress.”**
Accepting that personal growth is a continuous journey can relieve the pressure to be perfect. This outlook nurtures resilience and encourages us to embrace our imperfections as part of our evolution.
5. **”I choose my thoughts.”**
This expression highlights the power of agency in shaping our mindset. By understanding that we can control our thoughts, we can contest negative self-talk and foster a more positive self-image.
6. **”I am worthy of love.”**
Recognizing our inherent worthiness is vital for healthy relationships and self-esteem. This affirmation can help combat feelings of unworthiness that often arise from past experiences or societal expectations.
7. **”I am unique.”**
Celebrating our individuality can enhance self-acceptance. Acknowledging that our differences contribute to our value helps us appreciate ourselves and diminishes the inclination to compare ourselves to others.
8. **”I am resilient.”**
Reminding ourselves of our capacity to conquer adversity can fortify our self-image. This affirmation reinforces the belief that we can navigate difficulties and emerge stronger.
9. **”I am enough, just as I am.”**
This powerful phrase merges self-acceptance with the understanding that we don’t need to change to have worth. It encourages us to embrace our authentic selves without the compulsion to conform.
10. **”I am in control of my narrative.”**
Taking ownership of our life story empowers us to define who we are and how we wish to be perceived. This phrase promotes proactive engagement with our experiences and choices.
In conclusion, the words we choose to embrace can have a profound impact on our self-image. By adopting transformative phrases, we can cultivate a healthier, more positive view of ourselves, leading to greater self-acceptance and fulfillment.