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“You are not merely a drop in the ocean; you are the entire ocean contained in a drop.” —Rumi
The closing days of the year felt like the ideal moment for release. I stood in my backyard with twenty-five years of journals—bulky notebooks filled with prayers, admissions, and late-night ruminations—prepared to offer them to the fire.
I wasn’t being theatrical. I was being intentional. I halted my daily journaling routine several years prior.
For many years, I had employed these journals as a sort of internal court, perpetually crafting a case against myself or others. Each page bore testimony of shortcomings, evidence of my remarkably adept ability to gaslight myself. I could shrink or adapt into whatever was necessary for another’s comfort.
Small floral booklets chronicling all the ways I failed to get “it” right.
I believed I was processing. In reality, I was prosecuting.
But an odd transformation occurred as I flipped through them for the final time. The first journal began with the impassioned prayers of a fifteen-year-old devoted Christian girl, pleading with God to reveal her path. The last one finished with a forty-year-old woman seeking guidance from her spirit guides. Different phrases. Different cosmic coordinates. Same urgent energy.
I was perpetually searching for someone else—something else—to rescue me.
Over decades, births, relocations, career shifts, and various spiritual identities, one recurring theme persisted: I wrote as though I were ensnared in a universe devoid of control. My words depicted me as a bystander in my own life, observing decisions I couldn’t comprehend, powerless against unidentified forces.
Please assist me in ceasing this behavior.
Why does this persist for me?
I can’t grasp why I can’t change.
When will the ideal thing I truly require be presented to me?
Every entry reinforced the same narrative: something beyond me manipulated the strings. Whether I termed it God, the Universe, my Higher Self, energy, or my spirit guides, my relationship to it was consistent—like a helpless child pleading with a parent for mere scraps of control over my own life.
I was unaware I was operating this way. That’s the insidious nature of spiritual bypassing masquerading as devotion. It appears sacred. It feels modest. It seems like submission.
Yet, there exists a distinction between surrender and abdication.
When Spirituality Turns into Disempowerment
Last year, I joined a shamanic training program. Among all the courses I had ever undertaken, it easily became my favorite. My mentor identified something in our very first session that I had overlooked for decades. She listened to me discuss my spiritual practice—my daily prayers, my readings, my quest for signs—and remarked simply: “You’re engaging with the spiritual realm as though you possess no agency.”
I bristled. Wasn’t that the objective? Wasn’t I meant to make requests to the heavens? That’s a core theme throughout the diverse ways I’ve connected with a force larger than myself.
“Prayer does not equate to powerlessness,” she stated. “You are entitled to ask for what you desire. You are entitled to make decisions. You are called to be a leader and guide in your own life, even when you believe in something greater than yourself.”
During the following months, I revisited this theme repeatedly. I paused each time I defaulted to that familiar victim language—if it’s meant to happen, it will; I’m merely waiting for confirmation; the Universe will unveil when it’s time to proceed or remain.
“You’re the one living your life,” Chris reinforced. “Not the Universe. Not your guides. You.”
Reflecting on those journals with fresh eyes, I recognized how this fundamental disempowerment had influenced everything. Every relationship I had endured too long because “perhaps this is my lesson.” Every chance I had overlooked because I was “awaiting divine timing.” Every ambition I had postponed because I didn’t receive a clear and easy path to begin.
I had delegated my decision-making to the cosmos. And the cosmos, in its infinite wisdom, had seemingly resolved that I should spend years ensnared in patterns that didn’t benefit me, repeating the same inquiries, making the same errors, awaiting permission to live differently.
The reality is simpler yet more daunting: I was seeking permission from myself.
When You Cease Asking and Start Choosing
The transformation did not occur instantaneously. It began with small, uncomfortable demonstrations of agency.
Rather than inquiring of my cards whether I should pursue a new opportunity, I asked myself what I truly wanted. Instead of praying for clarity regarding a challenging relationship, I confronted the truth of what I already knew about my requirements. Instead of waiting for a sign that prompted change, I instigated change.
Initially, all my old doubts resurfaced. Who was I to decide? Who was I to desire specific things? Who was I to act devoid of cosmic endorsement?
But gradually, I began to realize: spirituality does not require me to shrink. Faith does not entail relinquishing my own will. Believing in a force greater than myself does not necessitate the belief that I am unimportant.
I could respect the mystery and still make decisions. I could have faith in divine timing while still taking initiative. I could relinquish control over results while fully assuming responsibility for my choices.
Thus, I incinerated the journals.
I didn’t read every single page. I didn’t have the need to relive every crisis or cringe at every desperate appeal. I already knew their content. I had been vocalizing it for decades: Rescue me. Repair me. Guide me. Provide me with what I need.
As I observed the pages curl, I contemplated what I wished to express in my authentic life during the forthcoming year. Not prayers to external forces. Not pleas for rescue. Not evidence for the prosecution.
Just honesty. My honesty. The tangled, flawed, often overwhelming yet still empowering truth of a woman who finally understands that she is entitled to choose her own life—even while honoring forces that lie beyond her understanding.
I remain spiritual. I still believe in magic, in mystery, in things that surpass my comprehension. But I no longer approach the sacred from a standpoint of powerlessness. I pray differently now—not as a petitioner, but as a collaborator. I request support, not salvation. I seek signs, but I no longer await them to grant me permission to live.
Because here’s what I’ve discovered: the Universe does not seek my obedience. It desires my involvement.
And I am finally prepared to engage.
About Christina Lane
Christina Lane is a writer and somatic coach. You can take her new archetypes quiz, which will guide you to your primary and non-dominant archetypes and their best matches here: www.christinalanecoaching.com/email. We can learn significantly more about how our personality blends best with the personality of others through avenues like archetype work!
**The Unseen Consequences of Relying on the Universe Over Self-Reliance**
In recent times, the idea of “trusting the universe” has gained traction, particularly within self-help and spiritual circles. This philosophy proposes that individuals should surrender their desires and aspirations to a higher power or the universe, believing that everything will unfold as it ought to. While this mindset can offer solace and diminish anxiety, it also brings about unseen repercussions that may influence personal development, accountability, and overall wellbeing.
**1. Erosion of Personal Responsibility**
One of the most critical implications of depending on the universe is the erosion of personal responsibility. When individuals attribute their achievements or shortcomings to external influences, they may disregard taking accountability for their actions. This mindset can promote a passive approach to living, wherein individuals wait for opportunities to come to them rather than actively chasing their ambitions. Over time, this may lead to stagnation, as personal growth usually necessitates initiative and accountability.
**2. Diminished Problem-Solving Skills**
Trusting the universe can also weaken an individual’s problem-solving abilities. When confronted with challenges, those who heavily rely on external forces may be less motivated to seek solutions or cultivate resilience. Instead of evaluating situations and taking proactive steps, they may adopt a wait-and-see mentality. This lack of engagement can obstruct personal development and diminish the capability to navigate life’s complexities effectively.
**3. Increased Anxiety and Uncertainty**
While the philosophy of trusting the universe aims to reduce anxiety, it can paradoxically lead to heightened feelings of uncertainty. Individuals might find themselves in a state of limbo, unsure of how to act or which steps to take. This vagueness can generate a sense of helplessness, as they may feel their fate is completely out of their hands. Conversely, self-reliance fosters a sense of agency and control, which can alleviate anxiety and nurture confidence.
**4. Neglect of Personal Growth Opportunities**
Relying on the universe can result in overlooked opportunities for personal growth. When individuals expect signs or signals from the universe, they may fail to recognize the necessity of establishing goals, taking risks, and venturing beyond their comfort zones. Personal development typically demands active participation, learning from failures, and embracing challenges. By allocating too much importance to external guidance, individuals may unwittingly suppress their potential.
**5. Strained Relationships**
The belief in a universe that will provide can also put a strain on relationships. When individuals prioritize their spiritual beliefs over practical realities, they may overlook the needs and expectations of those in their lives. This can result in misunderstandings, resentment, and a lack of support from friends and family who may feel sidelined by an excessively passive lifestyle. Healthy relationships usually require mutual effort and communication, which can be compromised when one partner is solely focused on external forces.
**6. Disconnection from Reality**
Lastly, reliance on the universe can foster a disconnect from reality. While it’s important to maintain faith and hope, an overemphasis on spiritual beliefs can lead to unrealistic expectations. Individuals may become disillusioned when their desires don’t materialize as anticipated, resulting in disappointment and frustration. Grounding oneself in reality while retaining a sense of hope is vital for achieving a well-rounded perspective on life.
**Conclusion**
While trusting the universe can provide comfort and a sense of tranquility, it is crucial to be aware of the potential unseen consequences of this belief. Prioritizing self-reliance, personal responsibility, and active engagement in one’s life can facilitate more meaningful growth and fulfillment. Finding a balance between faith in the universe and taking control of one’s destiny is essential for navigating life’s challenges effectively and achieving personal success.