Techniques for Coping with Overwhelm from Strong Emotions of Others

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“It’s not your duty to decipher what someone else is experiencing and why. Release the notion that alleviating their bad mood will improve your own.” ~Sarah Crosby

A few years back, I was having a phone conversation with my husband. He seemed frustrated about a work-related issue, but I felt a strong emotional upheaval within myself. Instantly, my heart tightened and my stomach churned. I could sense a torrent of emotions surging up inside me.

My body was filled with nausea, and I felt incredibly uneasy. 

This was a familiar and recurring response for me. My husband shared his feelings, and I became exceedingly overwhelmed by them. This resulted in a cycle of reactivity, where he would express his annoyance, I would respond with fear regarding his irritation, and it would all spiral into a chaotic mix of emotions flung about.

But what felt worse than that initial moment, when I perceived his emotions as catastrophic, was the aftermath. I would fall into a well-known pit of despair regarding my husband and his feelings. My thoughts would revolve around ways to mend the situation or feeling resentful about his reactions.

This reaction was something I experienced not just with my husband but with nearly everyone in my life to varying extents. My recognition—real or imagined—of someone else’s feelings, and how dreadful that felt for me in my body.

It was completely instinctual; someone would appear upset, and I would rush to try to fix, reassure, assist, or comfort. In that process, I would completely suppress my own needs and emotions because I disliked the discomfort of being around others and their feelings. 

At times, it felt as if the people closest to me were intentionally trying to upset me with their emotions. When a family member expressed anger, it would overwhelm me entirely, resulting in lingering resentment for days or even weeks. It felt like their anger was a form of punishment directed at me.

Whenever my kids experienced disappointment or sadness, it was agonizing to witness their distress, and I would strive to alleviate their feelings by changing their plans, giving them cookies, or attempting to talk them out of their emotions.

The challenge lies in the fact that, as human beings interacting with one another, we are bound to encounter others experiencing feelings—whether related to us, themselves, or any aspect of the human experience.

When we find others’ feelings confrontational, we aren’t allowing them the necessary space to feel. There’s an undertone of Your feelings are making me uneasy! Can you silence them because I can’t handle them.

This is understandable when we lack tools to manage our own emotions. If we struggle with being okay around our feelings, it’s inevitable that we will also struggle with others’ emotions.

So how can we learn to avoid entangling ourselves with others and their emotions? How can we dampen the intensity of our reactions to other people experiencing feelings, no matter what those feelings may be about?

How do we prevent others’ emotional responses from completely derailing our day—leading us to spend excessive time and activate intensely uncomfortable feelings of our own?

For me, the initial step was recognizing what was occurring. It felt like others’ feelings were happening to me, but in reality, they were feeling their emotions while I was feeling mine.

My feelings are distinct from your feelings. 

A primary reason it appears we become intertwined and things become messy in relationships is our failure to acknowledge that we each possess separate feelings. In many relationships, we don’t provide each other space to experience feelings due to the patterns in how we respond to emotions.

We often perceive it this way:

Cease being scared! It’s making me scared!

Cease being irritable! It’s making me anxious!

But truly, no one is forcing us to have feelings. Our emotions arise independently, just as another’s do. However, we can learn to refrain from reacting to their emotions as if they are our own.

If we can acknowledge Oh, I am experiencing my own feelings here! we can then use that recognition to carve out space and begin to turn our attention toward ourselves and our emotions instead.

Recognize that no one experiences feelings intentionally.  

After I had been coaching for several years and had drastically transformed how I dealt with my own emotions as well as how I reacted to those of people around me, I asked my husband what he appreciated most about my work. He replied that he no longer feels tormented by my emotions. I thought, Wow! That’s very interesting.

I had become so accustomed to feeling overwhelmed by his emotions that I never stopped to think he might feel the same way.

Due to the differences in our emotional reactions, it didn’t occur to me that he was also uncomfortable with my feelings. And it’s these variances in our responses that breed confusion in relationships.

My typical strategy when overwhelmed by my husband’s emotions was to chase him down and attempt to discuss and fix everything immediately. His approach was to disconnect from me and retreat.

Essentially, we both felt challenged by each other’s emotional states, and by working to create space to support our own emotional experiences, we fostered a significant shift in how we now interact with one another.

People can’t truly empathize when emotionally activated. 

I have learned that we cannot genuinely access empathy when feeling emotionally charged, so if I am with someone expressing their feelings, I don’t anticipate empathy or understanding from them.

To fully access empathy, we must navigate through our emotions; thus, part of supporting others involves allowing them to process their anger, fear, sadness, or whatever feelings they may be experiencing.

I refrain from engaging in discussions I find unpleasant or addressing their behavior or statements until after they have navigated through that feeling.

When we experience any emotion, we view the entire world through the prism of that emotion. Anger perceives troubling things everywhere. Fear notices frightening things everywhere. Therefore, immersing ourselves in what someone claims when they are deeply emotionally activated tends to be unhelpful.

Understanding this assists us in refraining from reacting to their words, actions, or feelings.

Feelings trigger feelings.  

If we are feeling exceptionally calm and someone approaches us expressing anger, it can easily stir up our own feelings. That’s only natural. We might experience fear in response to their anger, or we might feel anger towards their anger. It’s only natural for our own feelings to spark in response to others.

With all emotions, we should focus on supporting ourselves through emotional activation. When we can achieve this—when we can stay present with ourselves and offer support—we can navigate through emotions more effortlessly and confidently, avoiding getting ensnared in that emotional cycle.

By acknowledging and naming your experience, you provide yourself with support.

We can remind ourselves, The most beneficial thing I can do right now is support myself in processing my feelings without getting involved in theirs. 

We can recognize how challenging this can be for us. We can grant ourselves the gift of understanding, which aids us in navigating the discomfort of activated emotions.

Extend empathy, understanding, and validation to yourself.

Empathy serves as a powerful resource when dealing with strong emotions. Offering ourselves gentle, supportive care is an invaluable gift during activated states.

We might say to ourselves:

This is difficult for me because…

I recognize why this presents such a challenge.

It’s completely reasonable that this is hard for me since…

It’s tough to witness someone feeling so disappointed or angry. Holding these feelings is challenging. 

If it feels right, give yourself some physical support.

Place your hand on your heart or stroke your arms, giving yourself a hug as you remain present with your feelings.

Of course, this isn’t always straightforward! After spending a lifetime responding to others’ emotions a certain way, it takes considerable effort and focus to begin responding differently.

The emotional responses of others are among the most challenging experiences we encounter, but with awareness and intention, we can learn to perceive these situations differently and subsequently respond in a new way.

Now, when I notice feelings of disappointment or irritation from my husband, sadness or despair from my kids, or anger or shame from my family, I recognize that these feelings belong to them! There’s no need for me to dive into their emotional pool and become engulfed in their experiences. 

Instead, I can maintain my distance and provide support to myself, which in turn benefits them since I am not adding to the emotional burdens they are currently bearing.

I can assist by being accountable for my own feelings, thus preventing the creation of a chaotic blend of turbulent emotions.

This is how anyone can foster a sense of space and tranquility in the emotional experiences surrounding them.

**Techniques for Navigating Overwhelm From Others’ Strong Emotions**

In a reality where emotional exchanges are the norm, it’s not uncommon to feel inundated by the intense feelings of others. Whether in personal relationships, work environments, or social interactions, the strength of someone else’s emotions can pose significant challenges. Here are several methods to help manage overwhelm when confronted with the strong emotions of others.

### 1. **Cultivate Emotional Awareness**

Gaining insight into your emotional responses is critical. Allocate time to consider how you feel when others exhibit strong emotions. Recognize your feelings without judgment, as this self-awareness allows you to distinguish between your emotions and those of others and respond more effectively.

### 2. **Establish Boundaries**

Creating clear emotional boundaries is vital. Understand what you’re ready to engage with and what may be overwhelming for you. Communicate these boundaries to others when necessary. For instance, if a friend consistently shares distressing news that you find overwhelming, express to them that you need to step back for your own well-being.

### 3. **Employ Active Listening**

When someone expresses strong emotions, practice active listening. Concentrate on what they are conveying without rushing to fix the situation or offer advice. Validate their feelings by acknowledging their experience. This approach can make the person feel heard, possibly reducing the intensity of their emotions and making it easier for you to manage your own responses.

### 4. **Utilize Grounding Techniques**

Grounding techniques can assist in keeping you centered and reducing feelings of being overwhelmed. Approaches like deep breathing, tuning into your senses, or engaging in mindfulness exercises can help anchor you in the present moment. When you sense overwhelm, take a few deep breaths or participate in a quick grounding activity to regain your equilibrium.

### 5. **Limit Exposure**

If particular individuals consistently trigger strong emotional responses within you, contemplate minimizing your interaction with them. This doesn’t mean cutting them out of your life permanently, but rather being mindful of how frequently you engage with them, especially during emotionally charged moments.

### 6. **Seek Support**

Don’t hesitate to reach out for support from others. Discussing your feelings with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can provide you with an outlet to express your emotions and gain perspective. They can offer guidance on how to cope with the emotional intensity you’re encountering.

### 7. **Cultivate Empathy**

While it’s crucial to safeguard your emotional health, developing empathy can help you grasp the origins of others’ feelings. Attempt to view the situation from their perspective; this shift can foster compassion and lessen feelings of overwhelm. Such understanding can create a buffer against emotional intensity.

### 8. **Engage in Self-Care**

Make self-care a priority to restore your emotional reserves. Participate in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, like exercising, exploring hobbies, or spending time in nature. Caring for your emotional health will better prepare you to manage others’ emotions.

### 9. **Practice Detachment**

Learning to emotionally detach from others’ feelings can be advantageous. This doesn’t equate to indifference; rather, it involves acknowledging that their feelings belong to them and are not your responsibility. Remind yourself that you can empathize without absorbing their emotions.

### 10. **Reflect and Learn**

After encountering a situation where you felt overwhelmed by someone else’s emotions, take the time to reflect. Contemplate what triggered your feelings and how you responded. Use this reflection to devise strategies for future interactions, bolstering your emotional resilience over time.

### Conclusion

Managing the overwhelm stemming from others’ strong emotions is a skill that can be honed with practice and intention. By employing these strategies, you can cultivate a healthier emotional environment for yourself while continuing to support those around you. Remember, it is feasible to care for others without compromising your own emotional well-being.