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“Anxiety is a reaction of a nervous system that has learned to protect itself from an early age.” ~Dr. Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Anxiety influenced a great deal of my existence—how I presented myself, the ways I held back, and my interactions with others. For many years, I didn’t even recognize it. I was simply aware of the racing heart, the constricted chest, the shaky hands. I felt the shame after every “failure,” whether big or small, and the dread that I would never measure up.
For an extended period, I believed I was the issue. But anxiety is not a moral shortcoming. It is a part of me that adapted to survive in circumstances where my emotional needs were unmet, where fear and shame felt more powerful than safety.
Where It Began
The origins of my anxiety traced back to childhood.
I was in first grade when I brought home my report card and noticed that I was ranked seventh in my class. At that age, I couldn’t tell whether that was favorable or not. I was just thrilled to share the news with my dad.
When he arrived to pick me up, I beamed and shared my news with innocent excitement. Instead of a hug or a word of encouragement, I was met with a glare from his eyes. His sharp, hostile voice pierced through me as he shouted, “That’s bad!”
Looking back, I recognize that his reaction arose from fear—that my performance might hinder my future, and that shaming me would motivate improvement. But as a child, I couldn’t interpret it that way. I felt stunned and humiliated. My small frame shook, and my young mind deduced:
“I am only lovable if I outperform.”
In the following semester, I came in third. My dad bragged to everyone, giving me a fleeting sense of relief. But the fear soon rushed back:
“What if I can’t maintain this?”
This marked the onset of a belief that regardless of my accomplishments, I was never “enough.”
This habit of thinking trailed me for years, emerging in surprising moments. As an adult, I would become paralyzed with anxiety at gas stations, shaking as I inched my motorbike forward even when no one was hurrying me.
Eventually, I tied it to another memory from childhood: my dad yelling at me to hurry up in line at a gas station, his glare and harsh tone searing into my memory again. In processing this as an adult, I understood he had good intentions—to expedite things for others waiting. But before I started my healing journey, my nervous system reacted to the present as if I were reliving the past.
Even years afterward, the anxiety lingered in my body, and I was unsure how to deal with it.
The Breaking Point
I carried this unresolved anxiety into adulthood. When I was five weeks pregnant, my partner had a devastating accident that left him in a coma for two weeks before he passed. Suddenly, I was alone, grieving, and without resources to survive.
I no longer had the privilege of avoiding my emotions. Grief, financial instability, and the obligation to care for a child compelled me to confront feelings I had suppressed for years.
It was during this time that I discovered the practices that helped me stop the downward spiral and regain my balance.
10 Strategies That Assist Me in Preventing and Managing Anxiety
Important note: These strategies are not substitutes for therapy, medication, or professional diagnosis. They are supportive practices to help bring balance and foster a sense of safety in the body.
1. The gratitude shift—reframe anxiety as information.
Rather than criticizing the intense sensations that anxiety produces, I now try to encounter it with gratitude. Anxiety serves as my body’s internal alarm.
When I sense it escalating, I say, “Hello, anxiety. I see you doing your job. Thank you for being here.”
Then I inquire:
What message is this sensation attempting to convey to me?
Where does this stem from in my personal history?
What can I do right now to feel safer and more supported?
This simple act of recognition creates space for me to feel more in command and encourages curiosity rather than fear.
2. Relax and streamline your life.
An overload of distractions can hinder memories and feelings from surfacing. Simplifying my life provided me mental clarity for self-awareness.
I let go of unnecessary commitments, overly cluttered schedules, and numbing habits such as endless scrolling. When I took a step back, I could finally hear myself and understand what was fueling my anxiety.
3. Explore the origins through quiet reflection (and fasting).
By closing my eyes and reflecting on the initial persistent memories that come to mind, I can often uncover the root of my anxiety.
When therapy was not an option for me, I used intentional fasting to achieve clarity. (If you choose to try this, I recommend consulting your physician first. This is my personal spiritual practice, not universally applicable advice.) I began gradually with:
- A twelve-hour fast with fruits and vegetables, followed by
- A twelve-hour water fast, and then
- A full-day fast (6 a.m. to 6 p.m.)
Whenever hunger hit, I articulated my intention aloud through prayer or journaling: “Please reveal to me the root cause of this anxiety and how to let it go.”
Fasting, for me, was a conscious way to minimize external distractions so that hidden memories and revelations could emerge.
4. Identify the initial emotion—shock.
My body frequently holds layers of pain, and shock is often the initial overwhelming emotion. If I can swiftly label it, I can halt the downward spiral.
For instance, during moments of overwhelm as a mother, I sometimes snapped at my daughter. I would feel frustrated and angry with myself, but after fasting, the memory of my parents snapping at me resurfaced with clarity.
Recalling this, I allowed myself to acknowledge, experience, and accept the pain and shock that came with being treated like that.
5. Document in detail what shocked you (and other feelings).
After identifying shock, I note the exact specifics of what triggered it: the sudden glare, the abrupt tone change, the tensed jaw, the door that slammed shut.
Then I openly acknowledge the other emotions I felt: fear, humiliation, sorrow, anger, or betrayal—whatever resonates with that moment.
Being brutally honest during this process assists me in releasing experiences I had previously internalized as trauma.
6. Mourn the losses.
Once I release the shock, I permit myself to grieve. I cry for the safety, compassion, and respect I required but didn’t receive.
Sometimes, I use music to amplify the sadness, allowing it to flow through me. This is not a sign of weakness—it is how the body processes pain rather than storing it.
7. Identify the unmet needs.
Grief paves the way for understanding my needs.
“When my dad shouted at me for making mistakes, I felt unsafe and ashamed. My need for emotional security was disregarded.”
“When I was only celebrated for my achievements, I felt invisible. My need for ongoing acceptance was overlooked.”
Recognizing my needs clarifies what matters so that I can articulate them clearly and confidently as an adult. It’s empowering to identify the hurt and discern how it aids in comprehending my emotional requirements more thoroughly.
8. Acknowledge the context—empathy for your parents’ limitations.
Fasting and becoming a mother provided me with insight into the struggles my parents faced. Raising a neurodivergent child with limited resources, scant support, and financial strain is incredibly taxing.
This doesn’t excuse the harm, but it allows me to accept two truths:
- Their actions caused me pain.
- They were also flawed individuals grappling with inadequate tools for better parenting.
This perspective diminishes resentment and disrupts cycles.
9. Jot down the worst-case scenarios.
While reflecting on past experiences contributing to my anxiety can aid in alleviating anxious feelings in the present, it is also beneficial to confront my thoughts about the future.
During anxious spirals, my mind bombards me with worst-case scenarios. Positive thinking has never helped—it only intensified my fear.
Instead, I confront my fears by writing down every potential worst-case outcome, no matter how extreme. I’ve endured homelessness, earthquakes, and heartbreaking losses. Pretending they couldn’t happen again didn’t serve me.
By articulating them, I diminish their hold on me.
10. Plan intuitive actions and identify sources of support.
After documenting the worst outcomes, I ask:
What is the first intuitive step I can take to avert or reduce the impact?
Who is the first person I can reach out to for help? Who else could I contact?
Writing these down empowers me. It reassures my nervous system, “I am not powerless. There are actions I can take and individuals I can approach for assistance.”
—
Anxiety is a component of who I am. Experiencing the spiral due to my inability to name, process, and communicate it is disheartening.
While I am still a work in progress in maintaining composure consistently, I feel empowered knowing I am enhancing my emotional intelligence—skills I can impart to my child.
Healing is not a straight path, and some steps will present more challenges than others. However, with consistency, these practices can assist in restoring a sense of safety, reclaiming agency, and softening the conviction that one must always remain vigilant.
About Sri Purna Widari
Sri Purna Widari is a writer, mother, and advocate for social justice relevant to single/solo motherhood, special needs children, environmental issues, and trauma repatterning. She shares practical tools for managing anxiety and dealing with loss. Connect with her on Instagram here.
**Techniques for Managing Childhood-Rooted Anxiety**
Childhood-based anxiety can profoundly affect a person’s life, often continuing into adulthood if left unaddressed. Understanding and managing this anxiety is essential for emotional well-being. Here are several effective techniques to help manage anxiety that stems from childhood.
### 1. **Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)**
CBT is a highly regarded therapeutic method that aids individuals in recognizing and modifying negative thought processes and behaviors related to anxiety. Collaborating with a licensed therapist allows individuals to acquire coping strategies and cultivate healthier thought patterns.
### 2. **Mindfulness and Meditation**
Engaging in mindfulness and meditation can help individuals remain grounded in the present, alleviating anxiety. Techniques like deep breathing, body scans, and guided imagery can foster relaxation and diminish anxious thoughts.
### 3. **Establishing a Routine**
Developing a dependable daily routine can offer a sense of stability and predictability, which is advantageous for managing anxiety. Consistent schedules for meals, exercise, work, and relaxation can help individuals feel more in command.
### 4. **Physical Activity**
Regular physical activity is known for its ability to lower anxiety levels. Engaging in exercise releases endorphins, improving mood and reducing feelings of anxiety. Activities such as walking, yoga, or team sports can be especially effective.
### 5. **Healthy Lifestyle Choices**
Maintaining a balanced diet, ensuring sufficient sleep, and avoiding excessive caffeine and alcohol can significantly influence anxiety levels. A healthy lifestyle bolsters overall mental health and can alleviate anxiety symptoms.
### 6. **Social Support**
Cultivating a robust support network is vital. Friends, family, or support groups can offer understanding and encouragement. Sharing experiences with those facing similar challenges can foster a sense of belonging and lessen feelings of isolation.
### 7. **Journaling**
Documenting thoughts and feelings can serve as a therapeutic outlet for anxiety. Journaling assists individuals in processing their emotions, identifying triggers, and reflecting on their experiences, leading to increased self-awareness and understanding.
### 8. **Gradual Exposure**
For individuals with specific fears or phobias rooted in childhood, gradual exposure to the source of anxiety can be beneficial. This approach involves slowly confronting fears in a controlled environment, aiding in desensitization over time.
### 9. **Professional Help**
Reaching out to a mental health professional can provide customized strategies and support. Therapists can offer various treatment options, including medication if necessary, to effectively manage anxiety.
### 10. **Self-Compassion**
Practicing self-compassion means treating oneself with kindness and understanding, especially during challenging times. Acknowledging that anxiety is a common experience can help diminish self-judgment and promote recovery.
### Conclusion
Effectively managing childhood-rooted anxiety necessitates a multifaceted approach. By incorporating these strategies into everyday life, individuals can work towards reducing anxiety and enhancing their overall quality of life. It is vital to remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, and with the appropriate tools and support, overcoming anxiety and achieving a fulfilling life is attainable.
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