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“Highly sensitive individuals are often viewed as fragile or broken. To feel deeply is not an indicator of weakness; it is the hallmark of the genuinely alive and caring.” ~Anthon St. Maarten
There are certain phrases that get sharply imprinted in our minds as if seared with a hot iron. For me, growing up, those words were “you’re too sensitive.”
I frequently encountered this statement in the clumsy grasp of my shame after someone hurled it at me with coldness and arrogance to rationalize their meanness.
They might have made a hurtful comment or belittled me in private or spread humiliating anecdotes or outright fabrications about me in public.
In any case, the aftermath was the same: I’d take it to heart, become emotionally overwhelmed, and then swing between furious outbursts or tears.
But it wasn’t solely cruelty that triggered my sensitivity; I didn’t only tear up when provoked overtly.
Keen-hearted individuals, who typically treated me with warmth, would softly point out that I was too sensitive when I fixated on the tiniest actions of others—like taking time to return my call or making a face after I said something that I thought sounded foolish.
Or they might offer this wise comment about my character when I took critique too personally, wrestled with releasing something painful, or experienced another’s anguish deeply and intensely, as if it was my own.
It felt as though the entire world could see that there was something glaringly wrong with me. Yet I couldn’t seem to alter how I perceived, felt, and reacted to life.
Little did they realize how profound this sensitivity was, running far deeper than mere appearances.
They were unaware that my mind was a maze of continuous evaluation concerning not just my own experiences, but also the pain of those around me.
They had no inkling of how often I felt exhausted and overstimulated, that merely entering a crowded or loud space demanded tremendous strength (which I had to muster frequently growing up in a large Italian family).
They were unaware of how often I felt troubled, anxious, and jittery because my nervous system was always heightened.
And I was oblivious to the biological foundation for all of this. It wasn’t until many years later—decades, in fact—that I came across the term “highly sensitive person” and finally comprehended that my brain genuinely processes information and reflects on it more profoundly than non-HSP brains.
Throughout the years, I’ve learned to embrace that certain traits and behaviors are intrinsically linked to being a highly sensitive person.
I’ve discovered that HSPs:
- Are incredibly perceptive and empathetic
- Experience emotions profoundly
- Absorb the feelings of others and can sense when something is amiss
- Notice subtleties that others might overlook
- Possess heightened intuition
- Can easily feel drained or overwhelmed in noisy, chaotic, or otherwise overstimulating environments
I’ve also recognized that several of my former behaviors were reactions to my sensitivity, such as:
- Overthinking what others said or did
- Internalizing critiques as facts
- Judging myself for my needs instead of honoring them
- Resorting to drinking to numb myself in overstimulating settings rather than simply avoiding them or working to ground myself
- Ignoring my intuition regarding people or situations that weren’t healthy for me
- Taking on the pain of others instead of enforcing boundaries
While I am certainly not an authority on navigating life as a highly sensitive person, I realize I’ve made significant progress over the years. I still engage with the world and my feelings intensely. However, I feel less like a rag doll caught in a violent storm and more like a deeply rooted tree that may shed some leaves yet can ultimately withstand a severe tempest.
I’ve learned to care for myself, prioritize my needs, and worry less about others’ opinions of me. Furthermore, I generally do not judge myself as harshly as I once did.
It is beneficial that I not only have a toolkit for self-care—including meditation, nature walks, and long baths—but also a collection of lessons to recall whenever my sensitivity overcomes me.
If you see yourself in any of what I’ve described, and if you often feel exhausted, ashamed, or judged, perhaps these reminders will serve you well, now or in the future.
When You Feel Drained
1. You are solely accountable for your own emotions. You cannot absorb everyone else’s suffering, and if you could, you would be depriving them of the opportunity to grow.
2. You do not need to solve anyone else’s dilemmas. Simply listening is enough—but you can only tolerate so much before it becomes overwhelming.
3. You aren’t obligated to place yourself in situations that overstimulate you, and choosing a different path does not render you odd or any less enjoyable.
4. It’s not worthwhile to force yourself into an activity that you know you won’t enjoy and will leave you drained.
5. You may opt to heed your instincts rather than your anxiety. If you feel the urge to exit but worry about how it may appear to others, concentrate on the voice that knows what’s best for you.
6. Others and external circumstances can only wear you down if you permit them. You have the power and the right to establish boundaries at any moment.
7. It is not selfish to prioritize your self-care. As the saying goes, you cannot pour from an empty cup.
8. Sleep is not a luxury; you require sufficient rest to deal with the various aspects of life that are emotionally draining.
9. The most crucial question you can ask yourself at any juncture, particularly when you feel overwhelmed, is “What do I need right now?”
10. It doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. Even five minutes of a soothing practice, like deep breathing or yoga, can make a significant difference.
When You Feel Ashamed
11. You cannot control or alter the fact that you have a highly sensitive nervous system, nor can you avoid processing everything richly and feeling emotions deeply. You wouldn’t be ashamed of your hair or eye color, so why harbor shame about something innate?
12. Sensitivity is not a weakness; it forms the basis of your understanding, compassion, depth, and creativity, making it a true strength.
13. There is nothing “wrong” with you, and you are deserving of love and respect as you are.
14. You are not alone. According to psychologist Elaine Aron, author of the classic book on HSPs, highly sensitive individuals comprise fifteen to twenty percent of the population.
15. If someone else criticized you for your sensitivity or for coping inappropriately because you were unaware, you did not merit it.
16. Your shame emanates from the narrative you tell yourself about yourself—and that narrative can be reshaped to be more compassionate at any time.
17. There’s no need to “fix” your emotional intensity. You merely need to observe your emotions to avoid becoming ensnared by them.
18. You are not defined by your actions. If you behave in a way you regret when emotionally overwhelmed or overstimulated, you can simply apologize, forgive yourself, learn from the episode, and move forward.
19. Crying is not something to be embarrassed about. It genuinely helps release stress and pent-up feelings, and it takes tremendous courage to allow yourself to cry instead of resisting vulnerability.
20. If you allow yourself to sit with your shame instead of trying to numb it out, it will eventually pass through you. No emotion lasts indefinitely.
When You Feel Judged
21. For every person who may judge you, there is another who would cherish, appreciate, and accept you just as you are.
22. You don’t need everyone to understand or like you; you only need to understand and show compassion toward yourself.
23. What others think of you is their concern, and their opinions and judgments can only affect you if you let them.
24. Just because someone claims you’re “too sensitive,” it doesn’t indicate you’re doing anything incorrect or need to change.
25. If others fail to value you, they’re missing out on the opportunity for a profound and meaningful relationship with someone who would always support them and never hurt or judge them.
26. When someone judges you, it is a reflection of their own life situation and development, not a statement about who you are as a person.
27. Just because someone diminishes your feelings doesn’t mean your feelings are invalid.
28. You have the right to terminate a conversation at any point if someone dismisses your feelings or crosses your boundaries.
29. It is perfectly acceptable to walk away from a relationship if someone habitually devalues, disrespects, or harms you.
30. Just because you think someone is judging you, it doesn’t mean they actually are. Their silence, distance, or mood may be unrelated to you.
—
Of course, it’s much simpler to write down a list of lessons than it is to remember the most helpful one in the moment when it would be most beneficial. I’ve battled to recall these insights countless times, both in the far and recent past. But it’s not about perfection; it’s about awareness and practice, as is everything in life.
Read this, print it, place it somewhere visible, and perhaps you can engrave these ideas into your mind, as deeply but not as painfully as the criticisms you’ve likely faced over the years.
And if you take away just one concept into your day, let it be this:
We are not flawed. We don’t need to harden ourselves or develop thicker skin. We don’t have to “man up” or “suck it up” or cease caring so profoundly.
The world does not require more guarded individuals, armed with apathy and bitterness. It needs more souls who aren’t afraid to reflect, to feel, and to love with hearts so open they overflow with empathy and kindness.
The world needs us sensitive beings to recognize beauty others may overlook and to create beauty where it may never exist if we hadn’t experienced life through the prism of our unique perspective.
However, we can only offer the best of ourselves if we prioritize our well-being, regardless of others’ needs; if we honor ourselves, irrespective of whether others do; and if we acknowledge that judgment is an inescapable part of existence, but it doesn’t have to rule or define us.
**This is an older post I previously shared that garnered popularity on the site. Having felt somewhat drained and behind lately, I chose to share it again to benefit those who haven’t encountered it yet and to lighten my load!
### 30 Vital Reminders for Sensitive Individuals Facing Emotional Exhaustion, Shame, or Judgment
1. **Recognize Your Emotions**: Understand that your feelings are legitimate and deserve acknowledgment.
2. **Show Self-Kindness**: Treat yourself with the same compassion you would extend to a companion.
3. **Enforce Boundaries**: Safeguard your emotional space by declining when necessary.
4. **Minimize Exposure to Negativity**: Decrease time spent with unfavorable individuals or surroundings.
5. **Prioritize Self-Care**: Engage in activities that rejuvenate and nourish your spirit.
6. **Seek Emotional Support**: Connect with reliable friends or professionals who comprehend your sensitivity.
7. **Document Your Insights**: Writing can assist in processing emotions and clarifying feelings.
8. **Practice Being Present**: Stay mindful and observe your thoughts without judgment.
9. **Value Your Sensitivity**: Accept that being sensitive is an asset, not a liability.
10. **Counter Negative Self-Perception**: Replace self-criticism with affirming and positive affirmations.
11. **Limit Social Media Engagement**: Take breaks from platforms that evoke feelings of unworthiness.
12. **Focus on Your Control**: Redirect your energy towards elements of life you can influence.
13. **Explore Creative Outlets**: Express yourself through art, music, or writing to release feelings.
14. **Practice Relaxed Breathing**: Use breathing exercises to calm your mind and body during stressful instances.
15. **Learn to Release Control**: Acknowledge that not all things are in your domain and practice detachment.
16. **Surround Yourself with Positivity**: Seek uplifting content, people, and experiences.
17. **Identify Energy Drains**: Recognize situations or individuals that deplete your energy and plan accordingly.
18. **Celebrate Achievements**: Acknowledge your successes, regardless of how trivial they may appear.
19. **Connect with Nature**: Spend time outdoors to recharge and reconnect with yourself.
20. **Avoid Excessive Overthinking**: Push yourself to act rather than getting trapped in analysis paralysis.
21. **Embrace Imperfection**: Realize that no one is flawless, and it’s acceptable to make errors.
22. **Cultivate Gratitude**: Focus on the positive aspects of your life to reframe your mindset.
23. **Seek Professional Guidance**: Consider therapy or counseling to address deeper emotional concerns.
24. **Establish a Comfort Zone**: Define a physical space where you can retreat to rejuvenate.
25. **Employ Positive Affirmations**: Repeat uplifting affirmations to reinforce self-worth and confidence.
26. **Engage in Physical Exercise**: Physical activity can help release pent-up feelings and enhance mood.
27. **Refrain from Comparisons**: Avoid measuring yourself against others; everyone has their distinct path.
28. **Be Open to Assistance**: Feel free to ask for help when necessary.
29. **Embrace Forgiveness**: Let go of grudges and resentment to liberate yourself from emotional burdens.
30. **Remember You’re Not Alone**: Many sensitive people have similar experiences; seek connection and understanding.
By incorporating these reminders into daily routines, sensitive individuals can traverse emotional hurdles with heightened resilience and self-acceptance.
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